sapiosexual 18 year old male. Writer. Singer. Baseball player.

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Old writing.
  • It’s a cold winter day during Christmas break as usual we’re at the church Christmas party, when I see you enter the room. My heart begins to beat very hard inside my chest, I’m so nervous. I silently steal glances at you from across the room as you walk in and begin to greet everyone, the sight of you brings back unwanted memories of last summer of how you left me without so much as a farewell not to add the fact that you left me when I was in such a vernurable place clinging on to the false hope that I had some importance to you or that I mattered even in the slightest degree. But I guess I’m at fault for believing anything that came out of that sly mouth of yours. The fact that those memories of you still haunt me shows that your name is still imprinted on my heart and in my mind, I wanted you so bad why wasent I ever enough? Why can’t I ever be enough for anyone? I still crave to be yours with a strong passion, I want to go talk to you so bad but my pride stands in the way I’m not going to go talk to you after all that you did. I can’t let you know I still want you, you’ll play me just as you do all the others. I look up and my eyes catch yours, you start to walk over, my heart completely stops. with every step you take, a hundred thoughts race through my mind, you awkwardly approach me and immediately begin your apology I get up and begin towards the door tears running down my face. you grab my shoulder and turn me around. I push you away, I want so much just to breakdown to you right there and spill out my innermost feelings to you But I fight that off and continue till I get outside by the time I’m outside and into my car im a mess, the tears running down my cheeks making a small painfilled puddle on my shirt, I’m so broken. I see you walking towards the car and lock the doors you approach the window and I hear you plead for the chance to explain yourself the look on your face looks sincere so I make the choice to let you in the car, you enter the passenger seat and begin talking “listen I know I fucked up and I’m so sorry for that but please just please give me a night to make it up to you, I promise ill make it up to you” I hear the shaking in your voice realizing your on the verge of tears. Without even looking up I say “why are you crying? You weren’t left without a goodbye, you weren’t left believing that we had somthing, YOU didn’t stay up every god awful night crying your eyes out because the person your in love with could careless about you, you don’t know half of the pain of the Hell you put me through so why are YOU crying?!” I lower my voice realizing that I had let my anger get the best of me, my voice had went from a whisper from a quite tainted mind to a heart shattering scream. I take a few deep breaths to maintain composure. I look over and your face is red from trying to fight back tears you say in a whisper “I’m so sorry… Please give me tonight to make it up to you. Please all I need is tonight I will make it up to you” I look up and respond “ill give you tonight, ill give you this one night to show me your better than my constant urge to take flight from my apartment balcony” your facial expression changes and your tears of grief turn to tears of joy. The next night was filled with laughter happiness and reminders of why I fell so hard for you in the first place, you promise me that you won’t hurt me again like last time but should I trust you? Only time will tell, you drop me back off at my house at the end of the night and I can sleep somewhat soundly tonight considering my broken heart has been restored. I lay in bed and think about you, I find myself drifting into sleep with a smile on my face a smile, a real smile, a smile that’s coming straight from the heart, a smile that you’ve put on my face one again.

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